UPDATE: Inspiration

Most of the time, it's easy for me to write tunes. Inspiration, the brain food for writing, normally comes naturally to me. Not these days... I feel inspired by sound, but not by form. I lose interest when people say that I'm not a good enough producer. Normally, I say "Whatever fuck you, I do what I want." Lately it's been more like "well maybe you're right." Nobody really seems to like my tunes anyway, but the few that do are really great fans.

I was thinking about possibly starting a new Indiegogo campaign but crowd funding  relies heavily on getting started by spamming friends and family members. I hate that. Maybe I'm too nice to be in the music industry. Don't get me wrong, I love what I do. I love writing music, and I love producing it as well. The fact of the matter is that I don't feel like I'm contributing to the art world when I put my music out there. There are SO many other musicians trying to "make it" that it's impossible to get noticed (even if my music may not be noticeable). I just wish that people would maybe consider listening to a song of mine.

One complain that I really have with being a time-based artist, is that people have to take time out of their own schedule to hear it. It requires a huge amount of effort for them to sit down and listen. At least with visual arts (that aren't time based) people can usually make a snap decision. "Oh, I like this," or "Oh, I don't like this." As I said to my girlfriend the other day, "That really cheeses my girdles." I don't really want to think about what that might mean, but in layman's terms it means that it peeves me off. Like balloonshop peeved.

Here's the thing, I'm not really digging for compliments or anything. I'm just complaining. It hurts when I put all this effort into something, only to get knocked down or worse... ignored. I think that my songs are just so mediocre that people glaze over them. If my stuff was terrible, people would at least laugh at it and think it might be a joke (take "Gimme that Christian Side Hug" for example). If it were really good, maybe more people that I know would share it, and I might actually make a name for myself in this damn industry. I know it's not easy, and wasn't ever easy for anyone, but some fraggin' respect would be super alright by me. I don't want people's opinions (or lack thereof) to affect my writing, but I can't help it. Sometimes I wonder if it's even worth it.

Being a full-time unemployed musician has its perks, but it doesn't pay the bills.