Upcoming Tunes and Video Game Music

Recently, meaning last night, I completed and licensed three songs to an indie video game creator. I actually had some time last night to work on music, and I was able to complete three songs. I finally started a new album, which is going to be chiptune, and include the three songs that I completed last night. I'm super excited! I'm not giving out details just yet, because the project is still a bit under wraps. More later!

POEM: Day Blind Dog

Day Blind Dog

I hold my breath,

The stench infects,

I cry for dawn,

Surrounded,

No comfort in corners,

Lost, a mere pawn,

Silhouettes of you,

Humans,

All trust now gone,

Trickery,

Blind I am not,

I play along,

My soul lives,

Find the enemy,

Destroy the enemy.

POEM: Attack

Attack

Curled up in bed,

Energy a distant memory,

The onslaught of fear,

Paralyzing thoughts too taught to bear,

Chill out, just relax,

It's that easy,

Why think about this,

You brought it on yourself,

My mind is absent,

Breaking stride to be overtaken,

Wide on every turn,

I freeze up,

Look you're just acting crazy,

Calm yourself down,

All this will pass,

A mass of emotions will never get you anywhere,

Tears burn my face,

All I am is a joke,

Broken, unspoken words,

Stay within, I express nothing.

Starting Another Soundcloud

So I guess I'm running out of minutes on my main DropVox soundcloud account. This is a problem, as I cannot afford to upgrade to a paid account on SC. Therefore, I have started a new account. I'm going to post old demos, and hopefully if I'm able to get a band together, then mastered recordings. I'm going to focus this account on guitar and piano work. There will be some electronic music, but it is mostly going to be music done with real instruments. Here is the first DEMO:

Dark

Since I've been dealing with all this anxiety BS, I've been trying to figure out what causes it, and what I can do to deal with it. Recently the process that's really been helping with it is writing dark music. I've already recorded and mastered two really dark songs. Both, very similar in style, having droning background sounds, with heavy modulating drums. Unfortunately I recorded them in common meter, so I'm just going to have to do another in 5/8 or 7/8. Maybe I'll do one with a rhythm cycle, as those are always a good time. My favorite is a rhythm cycle that was introduced to me several years ago on the radio. A musician named Emam was on the radio giving away tickets to an upcoming show, and said that the first person to call in with the correct time signature would win the tickets. I never did call in, which is too bad, because I would have won the contest. I had it spot on. The meter was 5/8+5/8+5/8+6/8. Otherwise known as 21/8 with a 5-5-5-6 rhythm cycle. SO MUCH FUN. 

The other practice I've been getting back into, which is very good for stress relief and anxiety is playing guitar. Going back to my blues roots, and playing a bit of metal here and there has really been helping. I've also been trying to find my "odd music" mentality again. I used to work with such interesting chords and melodies. I think the important thing is that I don't try too hard to do any one thing. I have to let it come naturally. Of course this mentality only applies to certain aspects of life, but music is the main one. 

In lieu of playing guitar, I have been able to get slightly better at playing the keys. It's been a fun process, but it's a love hate relationship. While I would love to have the chops of a concert pianist, I don't have nearly enough time to practice to that degree. It would seem that I should take my own pace, as well as love what I do.

I did this song a while ago, but it emulates the kind of dark music that I've been working on. This is a bit more melodic then the tunes I've been working on recently, however.

 

Rough Day

I ended up not going to class today. I woke up and almost instantaneously started having an anxiety attack. I have no idea what triggered it, and I'm still trying to figure out what happened exactly. I hate having anxiety. It's so paralyzing. It makes it so even the most mundane of tasks such as getting out of bed, or making breakfast are next to impossible. When I finally did get out of bed, I had leftover pizza for breakfast. It was the only thing that sounded good unfortunately. I'm not quite sure what to do about these panic attacks that I keep having. It's interesting, my Mom seems to be having them for seemingly no reason as well. Who knows what it is, but I'd like to be able to do something about it. I don't want to screw up my standing in the pre-apprenticeship program I'm in, which will most likely lead to full time employment. Responsibility can be daunting, especially when my emotions are out of whack. Hopefully I can figure all this crap out soon.

To make myself feel better I tried working on some new tunes, but everything that was coming out was really dark. That's not a bad thing, but I didn't feel like dealing with dark music that could potentially stress me out more. I saved my projects and decided to do my final mixing and mastering later. Maybe tonight if I feel better, but I can tell you right now that it just feels like one of those days. I'll probably end up playing guitar, and not recording it. Most likely I will try to make myself feel better by playing xbox, but that's merely a temporary fix. Forza 4 is what's keeping me sane right now... that and Minecraft.

SONG: Silence Sings

This song wasn't just inspired by the awesome that is Neil Voss video game soundtracks, it was also brought on by a great need to just chill out and think about everything. To sit in an empty room with little or no sound, and just think. This song came to fruition out of necessity. I've always liked Downtempo and chill electronic music, but I had never really tried to produce a song in the genre. The first time I did try it, it was just okay. I've since been practicing, and working on production techniques. Hopefully the subsequent songs that I produce will sound at least half as good as this. It's definitely the best sounding tune I've produced so far. Hopefully people like it... but to be fair, all that's important is that I enjoy it. That's what makes music so personal. If I don't enjoy it, then what is the point? Money? I guess. There are so many musicians out there that it's next to impossible to break out anyway. It's because of that reason that I have come to this conclusion: I'm just going to keep doing my thing, and if something happens, then it happens. I'm done trying to force a music career out of myself. I'm setting my sights on more important things, like getting fulfillment from the tunes I write, or beginning to understand quantum physics. Okay, so I'm not really gunning for an understanding of quantum physics. I just want to feel good about my life, and my music. Thankfully, that's starting to happen.

Recent Developments

Hey everyone that doesn't actually exist because no one reads this blog! Sorry I've been bad about posting regular updates about what's been going on lately. There has been a lot going on in my life recently. Mostly good stuff, but some a little... not good.

First things first, I've been going to school double time. Literally double time: 23.5 units in fact (so just under double time I guess if you want to nitpick). The only time I've had to work on music after school which is normally around 4:30pm, and my brain is already so fried that I've been just doing little bits at a time. The downside to this is that I'm not pumping out as much music as I used to. The upside is that I have been working on music that feels good to me. Granted, some of it is a bit... odd you could say. The most recent song I produced (which can be heard HERE) is chock full of odd melodies and unquantized drums. It felt good to produce this song. There wasn't an insane amount of brain-work involved like there is in my other projects. Not like my tunes are all that cerebral though. They tend to not be interesting to other people though... I'm not really sure why however.

I noticed that since people aren't really all that interested in my tunes, which is fine, I started to try conforming to mainstream music sounds. The change wasn't necessarily conscious though. I mean, I've only recently figured out that I was doing it. There are some style that I will stay conformed to, like Downtempo, and progressive metal (even though I suppose you could say that one is never conforming in progressive metal). So while I was wallowing away in self-loathing and anxiety ridden conformist music making, I realized a few things about myself: One, I have anxiety. Pretty bad too. It's the reason why I dropped all of my classes for a couple semesters. It's the reason why going out is more of a chore, than a pleasure. I'm learning to deal with it though, now that I know I have it. Two, I realized that my music was starting to be true to someone else. It was turning into something that did not represent me, my emotions, and my way of thinking.

What I've realized is that I have to just stay true to myself and write (and do) what feels right. I want to start writing poetry again, I want to start playing the drums, I want to record more heavy blues and jazz. Hopefully when I'm done with the school program I'm in, I will get a job. No, start a career. That way I can actually do things with my life, and start doing the things I want to. Soon enough I suppose...

While I'm not on any drugs at all, I really identify with this quote from the brilliant Adventure's of Sherlock Holmes.

"My mind," he said, "rebels at stagnation. Give me problems, give me work, give me the most abstruse cryptogram or the most intricate analysis, and I am in my own proper atmosphere. I can dispense then with artificial stimulants. But I abhor the dull routine of existence. I crave for mental exaltation. That is why I have chosen my own particular profession, or rather created it, for I am the only one in the world."

While I am not the only musician in the world, I am the only one that can write the songs that I have. That goes for every musician. Writing music is personal to everyone, in every way. That's one of the main reasons why I am so happy to be a musician--as hard as it may be sometimes.